At six months adamant meant that I refused to die… then again at five; nine; sixteen and eighteen years of age.
When I was about seven years old my grandfather began to toughen me up… I was given a custom made axe, just right for my height and weight… after which I was told to chop up the huge chunks of tree that occupied our sidewalk; it is quite obvious what adamant meant to me in this case… I would not be tired out by a tree, no matter how wide or heavy… I was adamant though, and I always finished the job although sometimes I would start at sunrise and end when the sun would set. There was no possible way that I could lift the heavy bits so I chopped small bits off one at a time until eventually i was able to. I was never angry at him for the labor imposed on me, in fact I rather enjoyed it; every time another piece connected the floor, I felt relieved and everything I struggled with made perfect sense to me while in the act of chopping wood!
There are days when I wish I could bring in a few huge chunks and spend an entire week just chopping again.
I have not lived for that long but I’ve been adamant about life since birth.
I refuse to accept failure of any kind!
Adamant is also the name for a Diamond and I find this very ironic since diamonds are indeed very adamant little pieces of treasure; in fact it is their adamancy that makes diamonds so precious as a final product. They are shaped hundreds of kilometers into the earth which means that their formation happens under immense amounts of pressure, not to mention heat. Day after day they are being scorched and compressed for months or maybe even years on end. Mineralogists and crystallographers argue that diamonds actually form from elemental carbon dissolved within magma when a critical pressure and temperature is reached. The process of crystallization they say takes a very short time. Regardless of who is right we can safely conclude that the process of becoming a diamond is niether pleasant nor easy.
It’s exactly how life works. It’s not a new discovery but we forget that we are all diamonds in the rough. Each one of us has the potential to be someone great, whether your calling is to entertain or whether it is to preach, teach, nurse or just to love… it won’t come easy. Nothing ever does. However we get to choose where we end up or who we become. I do not believe that set backs should be seen as permanent, no matter how bad the situation may seem.
Depression is something that we have to live with every day of our lives and yet somehow we make it through. I see depression as a guide… a guide to where I definitely don’t want to be and each time I let that guide lead me I am reminded of the horror and pain lurking in the dark corners of each room, memory and every section of my heart.
I do not regret living with depression, I see reason to be happier because of it. It’s a lot easier to say this than to actually do it, but the more feminine side of me still wants to shine, to get out of the rough and just be a diamond.
Imagine a world full of shinning people, creating purity instead of corruption, simplicity instead of complication a world of people who push each other along in their shinning quest creating genuine light.
A world filled with goodness…
Peace isn’t impossible… rather it is improbable…
Not many of us would willingly say goodbye to our comfort zone for the greater good.
Yet I like to dream of it…the return to innocence;