In Pursuit of Inspiration

Dear my inspiration
My every bit hurts right down to my toes
My calves clench and remind me I’m alive
Alive after all

The sandpaper feeling beneath my eyelids
Enhanced by images only available for reflection
Becomes the choir prelude to tenors of moments
Expressed by the watery wells that move swiftly between

Darling of literary caprice
You move my electricity
And my fingers like mindless puppets follow
They paint with words the uninvited
Irrevocable

Haunt me not only for this passing time
I ask that you move in to me permanently
I ask that you turn my carefully arranged persona to chaos
Discover me again
So that I may fall in love with you
Get lost in your black hole of stories
And until eternity exists
Live heart beats
Hear souls sing
Write living memories

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Gentling A Wild Cat (Again) ; the self-fulfilled prophecy

I.G. DIDOVA 07/03/2012 12:01PM

GENTLING A WILDCAT (AGAIN)

My head hurts

I am irritable, sweaty and jittery.

I have been stuck on the same sentence for what seems like a week, but still no word fits…

Giving my tired, short-haired head a rest on the palm of my hand, glancing at the tiny arrangement beneath my window; the continuation to the problematic phrase sneaks up on me in the form of a floating sapphire while the little blue box with its lid opened on the ‘Tuesday’ section reminds me that I am safe from hallucinations as the pill had been consumed shortly after dinner. Instinctively my head returns to its previous position in order to confirm the floating gem between the branches…

I give out a nanus-sized giggle as the single stone seems to have undergone a sort of transfiguration; it is now accompanied by what seems to be its twin and as a pair they have been pasted onto a leopard patterned body.

 

My world becomes a vortex of memories projected through the eyes of a cat whilst the last sound before the thriller is my voice repeating the phrase over and over… until the world is calm again and the filigrees of memories take the lead, like a mirage caused by the sudden dehydration in my mouth.

 

Prelude, is the word best used to describe the moment when she bursts into my flat furious… both of us knowing only one way to salvage the situation.

I can see it in her eyes.

The light of my living room arrogantly ridiculed the one in her sapphires. So much so that I am scared off and in doubt my lips know only to twist and coil in to a smile…that smile… her… smile.

This act in itself is something like a language that only the hunter and the hunted understand. Similar to a contract, signed, sealed and guaranteeing a collapse of murderous intentions, only to transform them into bittersweet gasps and insatiable shadows, switching position; momentarily being the prey and in a split second, rising again to feast on an expecting, welcoming lamb.

Our eyes meet, lock, and recognise each other realizing that the storm has finally reached its peak.

The following moments are to be a musical of thundering, feminine grunts, accompanied by an inconsistent back ground of whispers and gentle clawing soothed by a salty rain which magically seeps out from our pores; still fully clothed yet naked… those are the benefits of knowing a body that is not your own as well as Da Vinci knew the Mona Lisa.

 

These fragrances encompass the roots of our desire, as my half-naked anatomy stretches to an eerie length in order to turn bright, electric sparks into a grey-kitten dark; welcoming the rain with the moist odour of nibbling pain gentled by the fluffy fur of the moon-lit carpet where lion and lamb become glutinous due to the excess amount of yearning flesh on craving body. My icy fingertips run around her bare hip in torturous spirals, claiming ignorance with every brush against the pink; that same place they so intently dismiss.

“Ssssss” These are stolen moments.

Her snake-resembling movement is violently clawed to a halt with a clear nail grip on stuttering thighs and mischievous hips then pulled just close enough as if in surrender only to painfully be pushed away again.

I speak out through a cork tongue, “I was under the impression that we’re waiting for the rain.”

At that I approach with my waist between her impatient legs, providing a false hope of granting her antidote to this silent, overwhelming hysteria.

 

“Screw the rain!”

 

My hungry lips travel south with a continuous kiss, hurrying past a perfect chest, not paying much attention to all the rest either, and in god-like synchronization the rain drops mercifully begin to fall to the rhythm of those inspired by the fleshy sensation between our bodies; creating the first verse before our chorus: drip… drip… drip!

 

From walls to wind are dancing feet moving ever forward while her skin presently owns my embrace and me.

I walk behind her almost in a waltz; my palms covering her eyes, nipples cheeky and excited by the static created when skin rubs on skin;

this grass is dampened by the slow drizzles of rain and as our feet connect to the green beneath them the tickle prepares us of the flock of shower drops, so the gentle wind gives in and gradually stops.

My grip loosens and thus my hands are left to unnerve every curve, soft mindful and cautious as they leap in a water-like manner, where a downward current is magnetic.

My breathing becomes inconsistent, hers on the other hand is heavy and deep, almost as deep as my fingertips dryly moistening, diving in then out… in and out… in circular motions.

A moment is all it takes for gravity to wrap us in a blanket of soil, leaves, my lips on her collar bone… hands wandering, alone… just then; it is my virtue that she takes while in shaking intervals our souls levitate… like a pair of savage lionesses in an excruciatingly pleasurable brawl.

 

The moonlight pierces through the trees and falls like a spotlight onto the mistress, excluding me from the white even as my body moves in and out of the ray’s radius. Our movements are urgent now, they roam but fail to tease; I enter her as she enters me and then the rain speeds up in accordance, heart beating so fast that I can feel it pulsating in my throat.

With my lips to her ear I utter in a questioning whisper’

“What are you?”

 

“I am Katt’s mosquito bite…”

Her fingers slide out; they begin to impress with a mind-map precision the surface of my tenderness.

 

“Effervescent tickles and biting itches… if you rub me you’ll only make it worse, leave me wanting more”

 

I follow suit, waking a petite thrust before she continues the monologue in her spotlight.

 

“Bursts of pleasure are delighted in, only when you scratch the pinnacle of my swelling… I hide and reside erect in between your porous dwelling.”

 

My teeth sink in as I struggle to keep my trembling hand in place and moving.

 

“Hard to resist me isn’t it? Come on give it a little rub… but be careful you might want to rub me again, and again, and again.

 

My hand exits… leaving my jaw, lips and tongue in a free range of opportunity as they begin to kiss the inside of her thigh, still I listen careful not to miss so much as a whimper.

 

“I am Katt’s mosquito bite… that unsubtle tickling itch… scratch me a little bit…”

 

Taste buds can no longer resist the beautiful taste they know will be, and so they move in with that special kiss.

 

“Give it a little lick… Right… there. See how that feels. Kind of makes you wanna purr… making little silly sounds as you indulge your salivatory senses with my ambrosia.”

 

The tireless muscle residing in my mouth now vigorously inspects this tantalizing territory as it enters… then exits… then enters…

Her nails grip on to me as she passionately pulls down on my skin in an almost branding sort of manner.

 

“Making my pink cheeks swell up leaving you with red blemished racing down the spine of your arched torso”

 

She wipes a drop of blood and licks it off.

Irrevocably aroused, I feel the approaching burst and her raging ‘mosquito bite’ meekly agrees with me.

 

Lifting my chin out of harm’s way, she throws herself into my chest (teeth-first)… glides into me and continues the paired journey to our peak while her fingers circulate and pulsate… her mouth sucking on to me thirsting blood.

 

“I am drunk your sap and so must you suck mine…”

 

Synchronized yet again we race towards that sacred… sacred… sacred…

 

“Vamp of a ten sashays turns to vampire… no scars but trails of little delights devoured.”

 

I can’t concentrate, I struggle to listen, my back arches, I feel the first wave of glazing delight…

 

“That sweet, that bEttersweet taste of sin, sensual energy…”

 

I own her trembling breath as we simultaneously cry out, and with the well awaited kiss, confirm the wondrous explosion of pants, moans and rain escaping now through the core of our physical being, boisterous and ready for the creeping bliss.

 

“You want to touch me again, don’t you?”

 

Exhausted and breathless we lay under the shelter of a tree. The landscape and scenery now just a contrast… steam and rain, dark and light… and then the moonlight.

 

She holds on to me as my lips press on to her forehead. I smell a tear roll down the side of her face as she looks at me, unwilling to utter a word. I could sense the real storm ahead so I did not dare to ask.

 

This was a moment not meant to be spoiled by thoughts and questions about what lay ahead in the morning. I whispered the usual sweet dreams in her ear. We were like bats worshipping one another…

 

And like bats, with the sunrise we were no more.

 

My heart threatens to tear out of my chest while I run down the stairs and towards the little place beneath my window, the sound of milk splashing on the inside of the small bottle as I skip past two steps, then three, then four.

A sharp left… then a right… then another right… now slowly… carefully.

 

The cat looks at me, cautious, analysing.

I take two slow steps forward, this bringing me close enough to place the bowl of milk just next to her front paws.

 

She seems confused, then does a catish grin in ridicule while proudly showing off her fangs and tongue…

 

“Black foot? Aha! So you’re a wild one. I have someone you might want to meet.”

 

She tilts her head still grinning at me and then the unexpected… she lays her paws at my feat.

 

I scoop her up and hold her to my chest… just then… a rain drop.

A small tear wells up in my eye as I begin to walk on back to my apartment.

 

“Well she isn’t here now Katt, but she will come back! I have some meat up there, bet you must be starving.

 

My palm gentles the top of her head

 

Again!

 

And baby… oh, by the way;

Her forehead had suddenly become the home of a trillion sweat droplets

The scent of a lost race against emotion was on her like a stale ashtray left in the middle of a tiny room for decades

perhaps the ashes of that which can never be repeated was exactly that

and the thoughts; no matter how consistent could not

clear out the depths of the buds; the heart that beats without feeling

the eyes that see without seeing

the sound of music without reaction

the dripping of sacred juices without an allure of passion

 

And baby;

That phrase will never be repeated

baby

that home will never be rebuilt

skin, fingers,flowers and hair

are the forefathers of a numb heir

to an empty castle

with naught but walls, bars, creatures, dragons and demons

 

the wolf alive in me alone will continue

baby

but wolves

oh wolves love once only

and… baby..oh by the way;

once only