The first reason

“Hey! It’s Hannah… Hannah Baker.”

For the most part; the last few weeks have been great. Amazing even.

For a few days I was stuck in a day-dream of what I thought was finally reaching a pivotal point with a special person in my life. I got a work promotion and generally… things just seemed like they were falling into place.

My, wake-up call began with much more than having my livelihood potentially threatened…

It seems my heart beats way too fast for any living human to be comfortable with.

I started watching 13 Reasons Why as a point of curiosity…

But it soon turned into an obsession with that one thing I romanticize more than love itself;

death.

No this isn’t a plea. It is more like a confession.

I already know the way in which I will choose to exit; right now it is all about timing. It definitely is not my time YET.

It’s 02:07 a.m. and I am generally not concerned about how many of you will see this as “attention seeking”. After all, I lost a friend because everyone around didn’t see past the stretched out arms.

My arms are no longer outstretched. They are tucked safely underneath my chest, unwilling to be convinced otherwise and aware that at some point they will choose to behave in a way most comfortable with a clean exit.

‘ Settle in, because I’m about to tell you the story of my life.  More specifically, why my life ended… and if your are listening to this tape –  you are one of the reasons why.”

“my angel” – you are the first reason.

 

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