While we were together,
I was afraid of writing about you.
I hadn’t written honestly about love in so long
And I wasn’t sure it was safe to literally
Give you all my power on paper.
When I missed writing;
Smoking marijuana seemed like the next best thing;
I couldn’t figure out how to cheat myself into sharing my burden;
Looking back now,
It seems more like a gift that I gluttonously consumed.
All these feelings I had for you would only make way to your ear after the insecurities finally convinced me that you wouldn’t care for what I have to say.
I fell apart so often.
All I really wanted was for you to listen to the story of my love for you.
But I never considered the story of our love. For the nights you spent holding me.
For the time you invested in me.
For giving me everything.
No, you didn’t refuse.
I just didn’t have the courage to try.
I like to travel as your partner sometimes;
I like to remind myself what your hair smells like;
The exact contours of your shoulder blades;
The spot most comfortable to bury my face in.
My lips feel the smooth surface of your perfect forehead –
And that prepossessing mind of yours.
I’ve been thinking about your part-basset with his sun-burnt nose,obnoxiously cute demeanor and farts that could rival the stench of Dachau.
The African Grey and how I felt awful for disturbing his chi bad enough to be attacked for no reason.
Old Harry who thought he was one of the dogs…
All the pets we had and lost…
I guess… this is my final goodbye ,
May we finally Rest In Peace.