The answers to questions I’ve been asked by friends, acquaintances, and readers since my gender switch from non-binary trans, back to cis fem:
Firstly I’d like to mention that referring to myself as ‘lady’ and allowing for it will most probably take a while to get used to.
Alright so without wasting any more time, here’s a list of all the questions I felt were fair, and probably worth compiling and sharing for the sake of understanding the complexities of “me” if you will.
– – – – – -> So… Are you a lesbian again?
Haha… this one was my favorite because it took me a while to decide what an honest answer would be in my case.
No… If I’m being honest with myself I have never truly been a “lesbian” (also I still think that’s the most awful word anyone could have ever come up with). If I am to be completely honest with myself as well as everyone else… I’d say I identify as pansexual. I know that many people use this term as a fashion statement lately, but… in the last while I have found myself physically and emotionally drawn to all types of people. Especially F2M (female to male trans) humans though I am still and will probably always be mainly attracted to people who identify as female (regardless if they’re M2F or cis fem). There was also one cishet male (straight guy) I briefly fancied recently;
… so; it is what it is. I like what I like and that’s as much as I can say on this topic.
— — —-> Are you going to grow your hair?
Mmm… so for those of you who don’t know me well enough – my hair has been short for this long because I have some bad scalp problems. I am currently undergoing treatment and should it improve my condition then, yes – definitely. Not because I’m suddenly going to start wearing heels and skirts, but because it would be nice for a change.
— — — —-> Polyamory / Monogamy?
The second toughest question… I’m not sure right now. Polyamory seems to be a larger truth. Someone asked if I’m considering polyamory because of my longest relationship – I did have to consider it, and I realized that it’s both a yes and a no. Yes because that relationship taught me a lot, and promising monogamy to someone is a commitment I very clearly should not undertake. I didn’t physically cheat but I was dishonest on more than one occasion which is not something I am proud of and would definitely like to avoid in the future. It’s a no in the sense that – avoiding monogamy because of a single relationship would insinuate that I am not even close to letting the said relationship go. This ties in with another question – do you miss your ex? Firstly I hade using that term because it dehumanizes the individual. However, I don’t name drop so I guess it’s the only way we can talk about her without having to make a mess: of course, I do. As I mentioned – she was my best friend. In my eyes, she will always be that person, until such a time when someone else becomes more worthy of that title, which is inevitable since we no longer communicate.
— — — –> Do you think you will miss being non-binary?
This one made my heart race a little and not in a good way. I did not just one day wake up and decide that I am no longer female and in exactly the same way I didn’t one day wake up and decide that I’m not trans anymore. Growing up I always felt different. I always felt like I didn’t belong in any of the two gender spheres… in 2016 I came out as non-binary trans because I felt safe to do so and because I was finally willing to accept myself as I was. My returning to femininity was equally a journey and I fought it … because I was afraid of being seen as someone who cannot make up her mind about who she is; and even if that were true; let’s not forget how many people in general life have absolutely no idea who they are. I’m proud that I’m at least trying to figure it out. I am not suddenly going to stop being me.
Part 2 of the Q & A will be published soon.