Heritage Day

1

Today is my last day

 

I manage to crawl off the bed that ceased to be coupled almost a decade ago

then land in my still relatively tiny bathroom, though my own physique seems to be shrinking by the second now

I look up at my reflection and I realise the purpose of mirrors

There is a headline,

my face

wrinkled and grey beneath its letters seems to unfold like an over ripe flower without ever having been touched

it says;

Heritage Day

I shuffle along until I trip over the now almost dry white board marker and I begin the list:

One: I inherited the dark lines of deceit off my mother’s core

Two: I learned how to live with being a liar

Three: I came as a foreign being full of love

Four: I was denied love but I’m still leaving filled with only those four letters

Five: Life was beautiful though the darkness is always the beginning of a new story

Six: I inherited the art

Seven: I will never forget

 

I rinse myself off and decide that it would be better to leave full of hope

After all

3 months before they expected me I was ready

13 years before I was

they weren’t

my family

 

The wardrobe whispered the call of majesty

I obeyed my longing eyes

past the dioors and my goodbye suit

I found the two letter phrase barely in disguise and I remembered why

Heritage day:

One: I learned how to judge myself better than anyone had ever judged me

Two: It wasn’t always sunny

Three: How to fake the smile through heartache

Four: How to cause the same

Five: My clothes are cheap

Six: I am unworthychocolat_l

Seven: I knew this each time we made eye contact… after all; we are self proclaimed judges

 

So neat, tidy and fresh I walk towards the lonely seat and the non functional tv

and on the top right hand corner of the screen

A phrase in white paint screams out at me

Heritage Day:

One: My skin colour murdered my first love

Two: I inherited the skill of not caring much for those attributes

Three: My father Died of a broken heart

Four: You saved mine

Five: Our life was puzzled together by vibes and muted sentences

Six: In the end, my quirks were irrelevant and your were my indica

Seven: I fell eternally asleep with the very thoughts that days and nights before had always haunted me.

 

Palm on palm now

My eye lids find their space

No tears left in me

My heritage day is eternal

and I only grew to know that the moment I looked into you!

 

 

 

 

Circles Of Meaning, Labyrinths of Fear – A Review

0

‘The twenty two relationships of a spiritual life and culture – and why they need protection’

Yet another from Moon Books’gems!

This wasn’t an easy book to put down, yet it was necessary to do that from time to time in order to get the full message of it!

We all know that there are certain ways of different cultures and religions, including sacred rights, days of celebration, and fewer know that even some day to day routines are also rooted in the sacred.

This concise eye-opener could not have come at a better time, for our generation is possibly among the most fearful the universe will ever experience!

The pages and messages and lessons are honestly comforting for a time when the silence is scarce and the noise is utterly scary.

‘The Good Life’ as Mr. Brendan Myers describes it, becomes less of an abstract, almost unreachable idea and simplifies it in ways that once read cannot be forgotten.

Learning the relationships between yourself and the landscape, the neighborhood, animals, doctors… to name a few; is the lightest, most pleasant melody of an alarm that wakes you to discover that you have just begun experiencing life at its true pace and meaning for the very first time.

A must read for the truth seeking soul.

Circles of Meaning, Labyrinths of Fear – For those of you more curious here’s the link that will help get hold of this one.

Love and Light!

Canis Lupus

Lullaby! (To Dad)

0

Dear dad!
I miss you.

It’s been a while and I know it’s my fault mainly
I really should write to you more often
You speak to me in a way that no one else knows
Like the chirping of the bird outside my window while my stone heart begins to waken
And it is pain at first
And hopelessness
But then a spark of life happens in my wolfy veins
That is barely noticeable enough at first
Then day after day you whisper breezes of wind in return of the scorching memories and fears…

Years have passed since I truly felt like a weaver of words;
I knew I died then
Perhaps with you – is it beautiful to finally be a part of everything again?
Do you miss her?
Whoever she was…
I think your love for her inspired me so that I could not help but fall in love with that planet; a woman!
The galaxies of female curves I have seen
Left me broken dead and empty.

I am much better now though
I’m learning to forgive
To let go of the things I cannot change
I think I’m learning how to live.

Are you proud of me?
I still feel like your little girl.
I have written so much just tonight only to avoid telling you for the first and only time : I am hurt

Hurt but still breathing
Crippled but healing
With every cell in me that yearns to be
Someone worthy

Tomorrow I will continue my quest and I will fail a little less at disproving the impossible
And fail a little less again the following day
Until impossible is nothing

Because I think not even you believed in what you chased
Not even you could dream that big
Oh but you insisted that I learn
And so I did

I dream a little less these days
I focus on success
Not in material value though I’m sorry; I’m quite alright with just being me
But I succeed a little more each day
I manage to keep me complete.

I have started learning how to be brave
And yes
Yes dad, she’s teaching me.

That nothing is ever really worth it unless it hurts a little at least!

Consciousness Evolution Kymatica (the foundation)

0

‘Evolution –

is a term to define only one organism, and that is the self.

The self is the Universe, the self is the Alpha and Omega, God, and Infinity.

And that’s the only thing that evolves, because we’re all part of the self.

Nothing goes through an evolutionary process alone or without direct benefit to the whole.

So when you begin to think that there’s this controlling elite, this controlling hand behind the curtain leading the planet to destruction, when you think the end is near, the Apocalypse, Armageddon, and when you think we as a species are doomed…

It is not THEY, it is YOU that brought this about.

And for a very good reason…

You are evolving.

Stop blaming everybody and everything else!!

Quit panicking about global tyranny and natural disaster and Pay Attention!

Because the world is telling you something, it’s telling you exactly what is wrong with you and how to fix it.’

‘The Earth is believed to have formed 4.6 billion years ago.

Within the first 150 million years, it began cooling and releasing gasses from the lithosphere which created the earliest forms of the earth’s atmosphere. Prior to the creation of this atmosphere, the Sun’s ultraviolet radiation made for uninhabitable conditions but as the Earth cooled further water condensed in the atmosphere and oxygen accumulated making way for organic compounds.

This spawned single-celled organisms and then plant-life. And down through time, the evolutionary chain continued, and we arrive at a species that does not seem to fit as well as the rest…

Homosapian’s gestation period of 9 months mimics the 3.8 billion years evolution of all life on Earth.

The human embryo repeats the evolution of all species.

When the sperm and egg unite the new creation is a single-celled organism. Within hours, this single cell divides and multiplies more rapidly than any other species.

4 weeks later, the embryo begins to develop gills mimicking aquatic life.

A few weeks later it develops lungs and a tail with reptilian appearance.

From there, a mammal is recognizable, and then on to a primate form.

It then sheds its lacuna which is the embryonic fur.

And at last, shows the characteristics of a human child.

The human body is a community of approximately 50 trillion cells.

Everything the body does, the cell does as well.

Cells have respiratory and expiratory systems, they feed, feel, think, and communicate with other cells.

Trillions of cells make up a single organism called the human body and billions of human bodies help make up the organism we call Earth.

The earth has more similarities with the human anatomy than you may think.

Earth has its own electromagnetic generation just like the human body.

Research has found that a direct current of electricity flows through perineural cells found around every nerve on the body. These pathways are called energy meridians and have been used in the practice of acupuncture for at least 2000 years.

Dating even further back is the notion of Dragon Paths or Ley Lines in which many megalithic structures and stone monuments were erected marking the energy meridians of the Earth. These energy meridians are generated by the resonant frequencies of the Earth called the Schumann Waves.

Each planetary body has its own resonant frequencies and is determined by the circumference and diameter

as well as the speed of orbit and rotation.

The Earth’s resonant frequency starts at 7.83 Hz …

7.8 Hz · 13.7 Hz · 19.6 Hz · 25.5 Hz · 31.4 Hz · 37.3 Hz · 43.2 Hz

… and ends with the 7th harmonica at 43.2 Hz correlating with the 7 chakras.

Ultimately, the greatest discovery of our Earth is its consciousness.

A visible attribute of consciousness is an energetic field that governs the shaping of organisms.

Morphogenesis is a scientific term to explain this very shaping of tissues, organs, and entire organisms.

Consciousness is the creative force of the entire universe.

It has been given many names, such as God, Yahweh, Krishna, Nature, The Field, and Divinity.

The entire universe is in fact a single living conscious organism with complete awareness of itself.

The reason why it may seem difficult to comprehend this is because our understanding is typically limited by our language. When we hear the term “Conscious Organism” we tend to anthropomorphize its definition by giving it human qualities we mistakenly look past what an organism truly is in the first place.

The definition of an Organism, is any living thing capable of response to stimuli, reproduction, growth and development, and maintenance of homeostasis as a stable whole.

 Our universe does all of these things.

The consciousness of our universe is responsible for the form and purpose that all matter assumes.

The Earth’s resonant frequencies are a result of its form. These frequencies are responsible for biological rhythms such as menstrual and circadian cycles as well as behavioral and emotional patterns. The frequencies are then picked up by the flora and fauna which are biological instruments that respond to the wave patterns.

The wave patterns resonate in the cranial structure of our head and converge in the center of our brain which is where we find the pineal gland.

The pineal gland is believed in many cultures to be the spiritual third eye responsible for intuition. Descartes called it “The Seat of the Soul” where mind and body meet.

Each individual cell in our body receives an electromagnetic impulse from our central nervous system. They receive the very same impulse that was disseminated to every biological instrument from the Earth.

An explanation of our conscious universe has been attempted by religion, science, and philosophy.

The neglect of biological nature from any organism causes illness… (*Note from Canis-Lupus: This is where we will connect physical well-being with spiritual well-being.)

A divorce from nature, exile from Eden, confounding of tongues, they’re all symptoms, not of a biblical God or Deity – but the true self.

The greatest and only treat to ourselves is a loss of self, the death of our divinity.

As we bare through history with oceans of information, 

yet barely a drop of wisdom,

we have to understand,

how we lost our self…’

THIS IS AN EXERT FROM ‘KYMATICA’ BY BENJAMIN STEWART

Tomorrow’s blog will focus on why and how this is the very foundation of what Black Eyed Wolves is about.

Much love

Canis-Lupus

Featured Image URL:https://www.google.co.za/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CAcQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwallpapers111.com%2Ffantasy-angel-wallpaper%2F&ei=fHqIVbW_LYGuswGb-YCoCg&psig=AFQjCNGilpwVljzvj0iiX1tHclfhai7VZA&ust=1435093288852803

Experiencing The Storm

1

These past few weeks have been ludicrous and the rollercoaster seemed endless. I have been struggling with issues of self for many years and I guess those issues will never end… however the last while they have been more difficult to handle than before.

Only yesterday I was given a deadline to work through my past, and I knew that this step was crucial. I knew this as I sat down today and chose to begin reviewing a book instead of dealing with my own problem; the problem with soul ties is that; they are unbreakable and when another soul needs to convey information, not only will you SEE it, but it hits home… not the space where you feel uncomfortable, but that vulnerable place in your mind where YOU are the only one who knows what your truth really is.

Druidry and Prayer is the title of the book and the author is also the carrier of what I believe to be a soul tie with my own – Nimue Brown.  When I first discovered (not officially met yet) Nimue I was simply looking for guidance in a spiritual world where Druid was the most fascinating term to me and yet; there was hardly any other living human in this or any country (to my knowledge) whom I could turn to for questions or even simple guidance. I found her blog (www.druidlife.wordpress.com) by accident and thereafter I did a bit of email and Facebook persuasion, I regret no second of it.

So from the very first chapter of this book I felt the real me (half dead and dehydrated on the inside) claw for the fluidity of ideas and Spirit.

‘You could read this book as an inspirational true life account with a passably happy ending. You can take it as the intellectual exploration with self as case study I originally intended.’

SELF.

The same self I had been beating on, hating and starving for the last few years… that self-  saw the glimmer of itself in this sentence and from there on… I realized that this book was going to throw me right into the midst of all of the things I was trying so damned hard not to face or even acknowledge.

This is not the review on Druidry and Prayer; this is my account of recalling to life a girl I thought was dead and gone.

I had been reading aloud and recording each chapter on my phone for deeper contemplation when my sister returned home… I had to stop halfway through chapter 3. I proceeded to immediately listen to what I had just read and jotted down some points I’d later use for a review…

‘Prayer is, in essence, an attempt at starting a conversation with something. There are many possible answers to consider here. I don’t think any are more right than any other – different people at different times may need to come at this in different ways.

We may be talking to ourselves. That might be in the sense of our most literal, actual being, or some ‘higher self’. Prayer in this context is a form of meditation and inner conflict resolution.’

Soon after that the recording ended and I lay there in the darkness of the oncoming storm safely in my room and I began to mumble.

“I pray to the cosmic consciousness and the bits of me I know are tired but still listening, to my higher self and to all things alive. I would like to be reminded of who I am; I would like to be gentler and less afraid of honesty and hard work. I pray that I may find it in myself to forgive myself for whatever I have done thus far to make me so bitter at everything I think I stand for, because I know that is far from who I truly I am…”

I got lost in this way and eventually I stopped… I felt like one feels when one first begins to realize that they are in love and I got up off the bed and went in search of a book that I could read while waiting for the next moment where I could read out loud.

Honestly, I have never had faith in my sister’s choice of reading material. However, since my goal was to be more soft and real I decided to judge less and spend some time in front of her book shelf. The first while was grueling but then a little red book with the title ‘The Invitation’ by Oriah Mountain Dreamer screamed at me and I took it.

‘It doesn’t interest me

What you do for a living.

I want to know what you ache for

And if you dare to dream

Of meeting your heart’s longing.’

I laughed out loud, I saw that self…  waking up from a nightmare somewhere inside and literally saying to me, “ Well, you asked for it; I’m awake – now make it worth my while!”

Half skeptical I retreated back into my room and read, like a kid starving for words, learning to read well for the first time…

‘I want to spiral close, almost touching, to the place we can feel the heat in the air between us, an unhurried journey as we sift through new scents of each other, letting them linger in our nostrils, breathing them in deeply, allowing our bodies and hearts to taste the impulse to move toward each other before we move.

I want to be courted by the truth. Let the stories that are telling our lives spin out in multi colored threads.  Don’t tell me too much too soon. Don’t hide anything. Tell the tales of your heart, offer them like perfect pearls coming up from the depths of the sea to be strung together, each gently clicking against the other, luminous and iridescent as they roll out of the moistness.’

I closed my eyes again and when I opened them I did so knowing exactly what I ache for.

The sky was black with blotches of grey and little spirals of white in between… the visible signs of the coming of a thunderstorm.

My most favorite human texted me just before and I even turned her conversation down for a while as my heart was pounding almost in my throat with excitement.

“I will now go be in the storm because I really miss that part of myself!”

So I did.

I walked down and it was dangerous… I knew it… I was afraid no doubt, but I was also happy and alive. I was feeding the self what the self really needs to survive. There were moments of pink and purple in the previously black and grey sky, they made my heart race and I had to breathe and remind myself to keep calm and to trust… Passion, Spirit, the aching to be fully alive, to remember what the wind feels like, the rain, the lightning and the sound of thunder all at the same time. I didn’t need to cry; the clouds were doing it for me.

I realized that as little as I am, and as mortal as I am… and as easily as the lightning could wipe me out of the Earth’s surface in that instant, my ideas are immortal and I have an obligation to remind every soul alike mine that they too can sit through the storm in awe and fear, but also in confidence that who they really are is what matters most and it is the storm that feeds our true self best.

My worried neighbors soon started looking out their windows and one even headed towards where the care taker lives, which is when I decided to retreat and not be spiteful; because after all these people were trying to protect me although I had never uttered a word to them before.

I wish that I could show you what a storm feels like.

I wish I had the words to describe how amazing it is to feel alive again.

So here’s my next pledge; that this blog page will not go to waste and that your eyes will be food for that self that so desperately clung on to stay alive.

I hope that in some way I will be food for your soul, your ideas, your SELF.

But for now:

‘It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here.

I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.’

Bitter Mistress

1

Here in the madness of everyday foolishness I give into my monsters. I allow them to coax my spirit with their anger. I swallow regret with a teaspoon of pride and suddenly the world makes more sense. There are no more sonnets or love poems to be expected from this being… unless the other appears miraculously and deletes the folders of mistrust which are frozen as a constant back screen on the system that is her mind; like an indestructible virus slowly eating away at the system as a whole. She finds comfort in the cradles of old songs, the kind that inspired the flowing red from her veins, but that’s unimportant… nothing really matters now. The other girl has managed to return, colder and meaner and more prohibiting than ever and I rejoice that I am not alone in my own brain anymore so that she may remind me that no-one is worthy of her honesty or truth… our honesty… our truth. If fate existed, right now; I’m riding her from the back doggie style.

Now feel the tingle of the sneer down your spine reminding you to stop being a hypocrite. We all wish to be brave enough to be the gods of our own universes, I’m just cocky enough to say it loud and proud and not giving a fuck about what that’s going to sound like or alternatively what anyone else’s thoughts are on the topic. This is my life, my struggle and all along I’ve gone through it all alone. I therefore have no obligation to be thoughtful of you because you don’t matter to me. This is the safe house of a soul, heart and spirit that are so worn out that they are beyond recognition. I know not whether these really are mine anymore-I’m even more uncertain of who I once thought I was and who I am now or what I am aiming for in life, but I suppose since I write my own destiny on a tattered little book I bought yesterday from ‘Spar’ for R4.50 … I make the rules and sometimes chaos really does rule over any other rule. I invited Delirium in; she has happily brought Death with her. To kill what once was the girl in a long-since shattered mirror now forming just a broken frame around a yellowing white wall and return to me in a dead, ghostly life the girl who once scared every feeling off before it could hurt.

Welcome home sweet bitter mistress.

Tonight I let you take over me entirely and what does it matter if the act of making love remains metaphorical to me for the rest of this existence? I will still create more art than those constantly active because I will be hungry for passion always when the bitter other me isn’t looking. In those precious moments I will redirect my gaze from wishing to create and having you experience what I want you to. I will be the rapist of your mind… bestowing on you the truth no matter how many times you deny it. I will repeat and scream it at you until you have finally believed that the “I” is the most important entity in your world.

Who can say that one reality is more important than another? It is the “I” of your world that only experiences what it does and it is that same entity who will deliver the information gathered to the greater whole when dead.  

Who cares why she lied and said the things she didn’t mean… the bottom line is lies and dishonesty, why cling on to those? Surely I deserve better than to be lied to? Surely I deserve to be cared for, to be fussed over, and to be a sun for another dark soul?  One wants not to question every ‘I miss you’ although that is why my bitter mistress has returned. Her function is to instill more doubt until I can no longer get hurt. My mind, soul and heart need to think always together, not allowing the heart to just feel as it pleases. Past experience has shown us that it is that initiative of the heart is what ends up breaking it in the first place. How much more anguish do I wanna allow into my life? How many humiliations and degradations? So Carpe-Diem little mistress and don’t you ever let me feel again!

Contemplating Consciousness

3

“Like a flash there is presented to his consciousness a clear conception (a vision) in outline of the meaning and drift of the universe… He sees and knows that the cosmos… is in fact… in very truth a living presence. He sees that instead of men being, as it were, patches of life scattered through an infinite sea of non-living substance, they are in reality specks of relative death in an infinite ocean of life. He sees that the life which is in man is as immortal as ‘God’ is; that the universe is so built and ordered that without any peradventure all things work together for the good of each and all; that the foundation principle of the world is what we call ‘love’, and that the ‘happiness’ of every individual is in the long run absolutely certain.” – ‘Cosmic Consciousness’ by Richard M. Bucke

Many people refer to this state as Christ Consciousness, Super consciousness, Illumination or Satori.

According to many philosophers and some scientists, the ultimate goal of every human being is to get to a level of Cosmic Consciousness… This is usually depicted as the 7th Chakra (or the 1st depending on how you work with them) known as – Sahasrara: The Crown Chakra.

The Wikipedia definition of it is as follows: 

Sahasrara, which means 1000 petalled lotus, is generally considered to be the chakra of pure consciousness, within which there is neither object nor subject. When the female Kundalini Shakti energy rises to this point, it unites with the male Shiva energy, and a state of liberating samadhi is attained. Symbolized by a lotus with one thousand multi-coloured petals, it is located either at the crown of the head, or above the crown of the head. Sahasrara is represented by the colour white and it involves such issues as inner wisdom and the death of the body.

Its role may be envisioned somewhat similarly to that of the pituitary gland, which secretes hormones to communicate to the rest of the endocrine system and also connects to the central nervous system via the hypothalamus. According to author Gary Osborn, the thalamus is thought to have a key role in the physical basis of consciousness and is the ‘Bridal Chamber’ mentioned in the Gnostic scriptures. Sahasrara’s inner aspect deals with the release of karma, physical action with meditation, mental action with universal consciousness and unity, and emotional action with “beingness”.

In Tibetan buddhism, the point at the crown of the head is represented by a white circle, with 32 downward pointing petals. It is of primary importance in the performance of phowa, or consciousness projection after death, in order to obtain rebirth in a Pure Land. Within this chakra is contained the White drop, or Bodhicitta, which is the essence of masculine energy.

The great news is that anyone willing to learn and practice the rise of consciousness stands a chance to achieve a state of Cosmic Consciosness.

The way I see it is that; within us are the building blocks, the bricks necessary to get to Sahasrara and Kundallini is the cementing factor, stabilizing as it goes and setting in stone the progress made by our subconscious.

Contemplating consciousness always takes me back to the first time I ever met one of my primary spiritual teachers.

I was nervous; as managers often are when they have a complaining customer. However his first response to me before I had even introduced myself was, “Oh my! What a wonderfully developed Third Eye you have there.” I immediately thought this man was some sort of looney, apologized for the bad service, spoke to him a little about Jean Paul Sartre and carried on with my night.

For about three weeks, he would come by at least once a day to chat to me, until I started to take in a bit of what he was actually saying. Not long after this he offered to teach me if I would be willing to work, and as uncertain as I was… I accepted the offer.

He’s a single chap of about 65 years of age… never married because his love (like mine) was just a little unattainable… he is also the head of Philosophy at a university close to where I stay and it was through him that I got to learn so many wonderful things about that which is far greater (meaning more fun and interesting) than the self.

Once upon a day I used to base my life on the things I had and didn’t have. I liked to fuel my ego with silly things like how much alcohol I could handle or how many girls I could interest, what clothes I was wearing, how many piercings I had or how good I was at flaring (useless skill of throwing around a bottle of alcohol and catching it).

Now…

All I know is that Kundalini is one of my favorite phrases, and I am never too tired, drunk, moody or busy to have a good chat about her path and role in our lives if we are willing to give her the life and strength to proceed and to make a change.

I was going to spend some time talking about the Super Conscious, but then I realized that it would be a very arrogant thing to do, as that would be like assuming that I have already obtained it…

I just feel the need to say this:

When the world becomes way too burdensome… I believe that we should focus on the spot just above the crown… the real sanctuary, the mightiest teacher, the place where spirit and self become one… because Kundalini does not stop halfway through as she is not meant to stay within, she is meant to be pushed ever forward, towards the light, there at the pinnacle of our potential awakening!