Some people like to call this instrument your intuition.
It’s all good and well that we attempt to be as intuitive as possible. Some authors even offer up a good few ways to sharpen this instinct, but here’s where I have a problem with this;
When your survival is based off of fight or flight, and the experiences you have had trigger specific reactions – how accurate is the inner bell?
a friend of mine is currently battling with trust when it comes to a new interest in her life. She says that he’s predominantly different from most people she’s been with thus far in his character, but there are a number of behavioral patterns which set off the alarm in her.
‘He’s excruciatingly honest some days,” she says with this playful sparkle in her eyes, ” and on other days I don’t know whether or not he even wants me to speak to him at all. He’s short tempered and secretive. Before I can confront him though he goes right back to being charming and interested, he calls, he shows interest, he shares. I on the other hand feel like I’m losing my mind from all the back and forth.”
Funny, I know how that feels and the best advice I had was to trust until she has reason not to… but, I’m concerned about having said this. The attitude of the all-forgiving, easy going, trusting saint has shattered me more times than I can count. The most infuriating part is knowing that you could have walked away earlier, you saw this unfold and yet; you chose to stay. Masochism at its finest.
This is where this “inner bell” could be useful… if it looks rotten and smells rotten – don’t eat it!
What if it isn’t rotten though?
Ever smelled some of the pre-basted meat you buy at some stores? It’s nauseating!
Does that mean you just chuck the bulk away and never set foot in that particular store again? Maybe… but there is a way to fix that. There is also a way to find out whether someone is worth the effort or not – get to know them.
The urge at first is to word vomit about all the strange and scary yet wonderful feelings your chosen other heart-beat evokes in you. Don’t do it. It’s scary for the person and most times unnecessary. Besides there’s all the time in the world to be romantic and silly. Rushing it might trigger the behavior you fear most them.
Ever considered that they too might have this so called “inner bell”? What if they too were hurt, by the exact opposite of who they are? Just because someone spends more time on the phone with you or is good at creating habits in order to keep you from questioning does not mean that they are not hiding anything.
Then there are the people who hide temporarily. The people who want to expose themselves but need to be coaxed out of their shells…
The possibilities are endless and people are different… our experiences (although shared in the collective) differ. Our fears, doubts and triggers are all different. As a younger me, I was all about the intuition thing. To an extent I still am, but here’s the difference; if I doubt I ask… in other words, if it looks rotten and it smells rotten then taste it. Not saying eat the whole thing – just try it out.
Many of the worst situations I ended up in were because I FELT that I was being messed about. Work wise, with friendships and love… and in all the other ways in which our triggers warn us. Fear tends to be the most powerful emotion. Yeah, we all like to think that love conquers all but in most cases fear trumps love.
I’ve also been at the receiving end of someone else’s “inner bell” . It is absolutely the most frustrating battle I’ve ever had to fight, and lose. You don’t FEEL like you can trust me? Why? Have I done something wrong? No, your fears are greater than your feelings and there isn’t a damn thing I can do or say to change that. I was angry for the longest of time until I saw the hypocrite in me.
Tasting is so much better. Firstly because there is never the ongoing “what if” scenario. Secondly … you might be surprised where you end up if you just force your brain to just keep quiet or at least whisper. I definitely don’t have all the answers, nor am I saying you should leap off every cliff without even checking for depth…
Just stop allowing your fears to dictate how you live your life.
We have politicians doing that for us already.
There is nothing sweeter than the elevated feeling you get when you can’t get someone off your mind. It takes over and suddenly, you see colors you couldn’t see before, taste things differently. Random heart palpitations happen and dreams become a constant state of being. Enjoy that. Revel in it. Be a kid…
And if it doesn’t taste rotten… soak it in vinegar for a few minutes.