The Inner Bell

Some people like to call this instrument your intuition.

It’s all good and well that we attempt to be as intuitive as possible. Some authors even offer up a good few ways to sharpen this instinct, but here’s where I have a problem with this;

When your survival is based off of fight or flight, and the experiences you have had trigger specific reactions – how accurate is the inner bell?

For example;

a friend of mine is currently battling with trust when it comes to a new interest in her life. She says that he’s predominantly different from most people she’s been with thus far in his character, but there are a number of behavioral patterns which set off the alarm in her.

‘He’s excruciatingly honest some days,” she says with this playful sparkle in her eyes, ” and on other days I don’t know whether or not he even wants me to speak to him at all. He’s short tempered and secretive. Before I can confront him though he goes right back to being charming and interested, he calls, he shows interest, he shares. I on the other hand feel like I’m losing my mind from all the back and forth.”

Funny, I know how that feels and the best advice I had was to trust until she has reason not to… but, I’m concerned about having said this. The attitude of the all-forgiving, easy going, trusting saint has shattered me more times than I can count. The most infuriating part is knowing that you could have walked away earlier, you saw this unfold and yet; you chose to stay. Masochism at its  finest.

This is where this “inner bell” could be useful… if it looks rotten and smells rotten – don’t eat it!

What if it isn’t rotten though?

Ever smelled some of the pre-basted meat you buy at some stores? It’s nauseating!

Does that mean you just chuck the bulk away and never set foot in that particular store again? Maybe… but there is a way to fix that. There is also a way to find out whether someone is worth the effort or not – get to know them.

The urge at first is to word vomit about all the strange and scary yet wonderful feelings your chosen other heart-beat evokes in you. Don’t do it. It’s scary for the person and most times unnecessary.  Besides there’s all the time in the world to be romantic and silly. Rushing it might trigger the behavior you fear most them.

Ever considered that they too might have this so called “inner bell”? What if they too were hurt, by the exact opposite of who they are? Just because someone spends more time on the phone with you or is good at creating habits in order to keep you from questioning does not mean that they are not hiding anything.

Then there are the people who hide temporarily. The people who want to expose themselves but need to be coaxed out of their shells…

The possibilities are endless and people are different… our experiences (although shared in the collective) differ. Our fears, doubts and triggers are all different. As a younger me, I was all about the intuition thing. To an extent I still am, but here’s the difference; if I doubt I ask… in other words, if it looks rotten and it smells rotten then taste it. Not saying eat the whole thing – just try it out.

Many of the worst situations I ended up in were because I FELT that I was being messed about. Work wise, with friendships and love… and in all the other ways in which our triggers warn us. Fear tends to be the most powerful emotion. Yeah, we all like to think that love conquers all but in most cases fear trumps love.

I’ve also been at the receiving end of someone else’s “inner bell” .  It is absolutely the most frustrating battle I’ve ever had to fight, and lose. You don’t FEEL like you can trust me? Why? Have I done something wrong? No, your fears are greater than your feelings and there isn’t a damn thing I can do or say to change that. I was angry for the longest of time until I saw the hypocrite in me.

Tasting is so much better. Firstly because there is never the ongoing “what if” scenario. Secondly … you might be surprised where you end up if you just force your brain to just keep quiet or at least whisper. I definitely don’t have all the answers, nor am I saying you should leap off every cliff without even checking for depth…

Just stop allowing your fears to dictate how you live your life.

We have politicians doing that for us already.

There is nothing sweeter than the elevated feeling you get when you can’t get someone off your mind. It takes over and suddenly, you see colors you couldn’t see before, taste things differently. Random heart palpitations happen and dreams become a constant state of being. Enjoy that. Revel in it. Be a kid…

And if it doesn’t taste rotten… soak it in vinegar for a few minutes.

Advertisements

Heritage Day

Today is my last day

 

I manage to crawl off the bed that ceased to be coupled almost a decade ago

then land in my still relatively tiny bathroom, though my own physique seems to be shrinking by the second now

I look up at my reflection and I realise the purpose of mirrors

There is a headline,

my face

wrinkled and grey beneath its letters seems to unfold like an over ripe flower without ever having been touched

it says;

Heritage Day

I shuffle along until I trip over the now almost dry white board marker and I begin the list:

One: I inherited the dark lines of deceit off my mother’s core

Two: I learned how to live with being a liar

Three: I came as a foreign being full of love

Four: I was denied love but I’m still leaving filled with only those four letters

Five: Life was beautiful though the darkness is always the beginning of a new story

Six: I inherited the art

Seven: I will never forget

 

I rinse myself off and decide that it would be better to leave full of hope

After all

3 months before they expected me I was ready

13 years before I was

they weren’t

my family

 

The wardrobe whispered the call of majesty

I obeyed my longing eyes

past the dioors and my goodbye suit

I found the two letter phrase barely in disguise and I remembered why

Heritage day:

One: I learned how to judge myself better than anyone had ever judged me

Two: It wasn’t always sunny

Three: How to fake the smile through heartache

Four: How to cause the same

Five: My clothes are cheap

Six: I am unworthychocolat_l

Seven: I knew this each time we made eye contact… after all; we are self proclaimed judges

 

So neat, tidy and fresh I walk towards the lonely seat and the non functional tv

and on the top right hand corner of the screen

A phrase in white paint screams out at me

Heritage Day:

One: My skin colour murdered my first love

Two: I inherited the skill of not caring much for those attributes

Three: My father Died of a broken heart

Four: You saved mine

Five: Our life was puzzled together by vibes and muted sentences

Six: In the end, my quirks were irrelevant and your were my indica

Seven: I fell eternally asleep with the very thoughts that days and nights before had always haunted me.

 

Palm on palm now

My eye lids find their space

No tears left in me

My heritage day is eternal

and I only grew to know that the moment I looked into you!

 

 

 

 

Like – With – Like

“I am a wonderful help to women
The hope of something good to come
I harm only my slayer
I grow very tall, erect in a bed
I am shaggy down below
The lovely girl grabs my body, rubs my red skin
Holds me hard, claims my head.
That girl will feel our meeting!
I bring tears to her eyes!
What am I?”

(Old English Riddle)

Introduced to North America in 1492 by Christopher Columbus on his Hispaniola expedition, its top 3 Producers are China, USA and India.

Every season around the world more or less 74 384 856 tons of it are being produced with more or less 40 different variations of it. Its skins have been used for dye, it used to be prescribed by doctors to help with fertility; In Rome Gladiators were rubbed down with it in order to firm up their muscles and the Ancient Egyptians worshiped it; believing that its spherical shape and coaxial rings symbolize eternal life.

For those of you who are still completely lost; I am talking about the Onion.

Whatever were you thinking?

There are roughly four kinds of onions that are readily available at almost any grocery store. Those are the White Onion, Red Onion, Green Onion and Garlic. Their actual names are a little different though but for the sake of keeping things simple I am not planning on getting into the scientific names of onions.

Fighting like-with-like, a technique that goes as far back as 5 000 BC.

I like to believe that fear is fought best with fear. Doing whatever it is that scares you over and over until it becomes no more than routine.

Last night my best friend and his brother were video recording me while I doctored my flu with a good dose of onion juice which I had to take in through my nose. I swore and I coughed and nearly drowned in my own cure but I endured it, I also hated every moment of it. My best friend laughed, his brother laughed and then we all laughed together at my somewhat twisted sense of medication.

When looking at the use of onion in medicinal terms it is found to be a remedy for conditions with symptoms like the ones which are caused by exposure to onion: watering eyes, running nose, inflamed eyes due to sinus congestion and hay fever are significantly relieved with onion.

So for immediate relief of a running nose and / an annoying cough here’s what you will need:

Nose wipes

An Onion

A grater

A bowl

Steps 1, 2, 3 and 4

Take the onion, peel it and grate it into a bowl, then take the syringe and fill it half way with the juice of the grated onion (make sure that there are no actual onion bits in the syringe[for your own good]).

Steps 5 and 6

Find a comfortable place to lie down and make sure that your head is tilted as far back as possible; best way to do that is to lie with your head just off the edge of your bed and let it hang.

Steps 7, 8 and 9

Empty half of the syringe contents into one nostril and the other half into the other while breathing in through your nose as deeply as you can.

Do not change your position for about a minute after the intake of onion drops.

Step 10

Wipe away your tears lad!

So I can still smell the onion drops in my nose but the upside is that I can finally smell again.

So while my buddy has the next two days off work to sit at home with a horrible case of the flu, I get to lean back, take a deep breath and while I am not 100% cured, I still thank Mother Nature and Mr Onion for saving my nose from utter misery!

I must add; the experience is horrifying but it lasts for a minute or two… it is effective and there are no doctor fees required, at most just a short walk to your nearest grocery store or mini market.

How’s that for magic?