Heritage Day

1

Today is my last day

 

I manage to crawl off the bed that ceased to be coupled almost a decade ago

then land in my still relatively tiny bathroom, though my own physique seems to be shrinking by the second now

I look up at my reflection and I realise the purpose of mirrors

There is a headline,

my face

wrinkled and grey beneath its letters seems to unfold like an over ripe flower without ever having been touched

it says;

Heritage Day

I shuffle along until I trip over the now almost dry white board marker and I begin the list:

One: I inherited the dark lines of deceit off my mother’s core

Two: I learned how to live with being a liar

Three: I came as a foreign being full of love

Four: I was denied love but I’m still leaving filled with only those four letters

Five: Life was beautiful though the darkness is always the beginning of a new story

Six: I inherited the art

Seven: I will never forget

 

I rinse myself off and decide that it would be better to leave full of hope

After all

3 months before they expected me I was ready

13 years before I was

they weren’t

my family

 

The wardrobe whispered the call of majesty

I obeyed my longing eyes

past the dioors and my goodbye suit

I found the two letter phrase barely in disguise and I remembered why

Heritage day:

One: I learned how to judge myself better than anyone had ever judged me

Two: It wasn’t always sunny

Three: How to fake the smile through heartache

Four: How to cause the same

Five: My clothes are cheap

Six: I am unworthychocolat_l

Seven: I knew this each time we made eye contact… after all; we are self proclaimed judges

 

So neat, tidy and fresh I walk towards the lonely seat and the non functional tv

and on the top right hand corner of the screen

A phrase in white paint screams out at me

Heritage Day:

One: My skin colour murdered my first love

Two: I inherited the skill of not caring much for those attributes

Three: My father Died of a broken heart

Four: You saved mine

Five: Our life was puzzled together by vibes and muted sentences

Six: In the end, my quirks were irrelevant and your were my indica

Seven: I fell eternally asleep with the very thoughts that days and nights before had always haunted me.

 

Palm on palm now

My eye lids find their space

No tears left in me

My heritage day is eternal

and I only grew to know that the moment I looked into you!

 

 

 

 

Blue oR Black Days

0
And the green light is illuminated next to the picture of your face
and I hate my own for yearning to touch it
Can I help it though?
Oh no!
How I search for the deeper meaning of life
beyond the sight of your eyes
the whim of the unfamiliar scent of you
I cannot smile just yet
I cannot
yet I do
With images as bright as the Canis Majoris
With the wishfulness of Canis Lupus soul
No backbone
Just dreams and wishbone
This composition of sounds through letters
This musical of broken word strings
Your wings
So keep them
Your Majesty
‘There’s green light in my eyes, and my lover on my mind…
And I’ll sing from the piano, tear my yellow dress and
cry
and cry
and cry
OVER THE LOVE OF YOU!!’
The florence passion of an untaimed wolf soul
spills out
screams back
There is green light in my eyes and I time it
minute through passing of silent minute
Do you think I do not see or notice your silence
so deadly
hollow
sharp
Yet I CAN
live without the addiction of the life you give me
the taste for thing I never had
It is yours won’t you take it?
So come on my morning
come!
Be the green light in my eyes
Be the lover on my mind
tear my yellow dress
Show me
That you will let me get around it
There’s green light in my eyes…

REPEAT AFTER ME,”I AM LOST”

2

Well done!

You have successfully taken the first step to truly improving your state of being, and as cliche as it may sound: there is nothing in the world that can or will change if you are not willing to take responsibility for your life.

Let me start off with explaining a bit about being part of the Black Eyed Wolves community; it’s a passion! If you remember nothing else about this space, it will suffice to know that if your passion is in check (even though it may need a little spark) then you will do just fine with us.

Alright now secondly: I have no intention to be politically or religiously correct – what does that mean?

https://bornforcopper.wordpress.com/2015/06/22/consciousness-evolution-kymatica-the-foundation/

It does not interest me what your beliefs, skin-color, religion or gender you are or think you are – I will communicate with you as if I am communicating with my inner self; without a filter and without sparing any harsh truths. My aim is to try (even if on a minimal scale) improve the state in which we are and which we have projected on to our Earth as whole.

A wise person once said to me that we do not need six degrees to be teachers, healers or anything we have ever dreamed of becoming, so here it is: WE ARE ALL LOST AND IT IS GREAT!

Why?

Because this means we now have one of two choices; sit back and keep moaning and complaining about how shitty our circumstances are, how corrupt our government is, how little nutrition there is on the shelves in shops these days, how racism is terrible, how people are mean … OR… we could take responsibility for our own lives and actions and the way we treat not just one another, but also our surroundings, the animals we encounter/own(here I must add that I dislike having to use that word to describe the relationship, between a human and the animal that lives with the human)/ work with… the trees with staples through their barks that we just walk past, the disgusting amount of litter around us… our depression… our bodies… our minds and souls – there should be no one else held accountable for those things but YOU.

Yes I am a hypocrite. Up until a few days ago I was still moaning about my circumstances… the only thing running through my mind was; “I hate my surroundings, I hate my circumstances!”. I felt sorry for myself and found 101 excuses why there was nothing I could do to improve my own life. So it carried on; day in and day out I pretended to like my job, because well a job was better than no job and in the meantime I became more and more miserable, snappy and just all round unpleasant. We may not realize it, but we’re all that painfully negative most of the time too… so I got up the one morning after exploring forests in a different shape and mind, and I thought that there is no reason why a human cannot attain the peaceful, quiet determination of a wolf or a bear or a dragon (although they are not of the most silent creatures); but whichever works for you – and even if you don’t believe in that side of things then ponder on what is actually stopping you from being the best person you can be?

YOU!

Realizing that, I set out to go for a run… but a real run; the kind of run that makes your heart and soul clench and brings tears forth by the end of it because you now broke the boundary that you had subconsciously set for yourself: it is commonly known as; ‘ I cannot ‘.

BULLSHIT

There is absolutely nothing in this world that YOU cannot do. Nothing. I need you to try and wrap your brains around this concept. Your own mind is the only barrier keeping you from real development (and I know that you’ve heard this before) which is why Black eyed Wolves will be a series of practical lessons or rather demonstrations with a lot of interaction between you and you and well ultimately you.

My invitation to you is to get up right now and go outside and climb that tree you know you cannot climb, put on your running shoes and run to your friend and apologize for the fight you had the other night, excuse yourself for an hour and go run as fast as you can around the block; but whatever you do keep going… you do not have to be the strongest or fastest but you need to push yourself… and tomorrow when you knock your toe against the couch leg and you spill coffee all over your dress and your boss moans at you and your spouse threatens to leave: OWN YOUR PAIN, harness it, but whatever you do , DO NOT allow your pain to own you. Instead go out and do something you never thought you were capable of doing, push yourself but most importantly : believe in yourself. Stop being afraid of being the best you can be simply because it is scarier than being average.

I am sending my heart out to each of you:

Now get up

Do it

AND DON’T YOU COME BACK UNTIL YOU ARE FULLY AWARE THAT THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING THAT YOU ARE INCAPABLE OF DOING.

P.S.

You are never alone.

All my love

Canis-Lupus

URL for featured Image: http://www.bravenewbiz.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/Lost-at-sea.jpg

And The Winner Is…

1

After a day of many bad emotions I decided it urgent enough to make  my business everyone else’s. Tonight I rage! Yes! Rage against every law, every stupid rule that society has deemed fit to exist. I do not and will never truly within myself accept other people’s opinions on what is right and what is wrong. Disappointment to me is worse than pain. It is a feeling that leaves one with such a foul taste it makes nightmares seem like nightingales in comparison. My passion in one is compiled of hatred for religion and politics for they are one and the same… for societal norms… I hate that I have had to grow up in an emotionally and financially hostile environment, I hate the people involved in it being so. For the first time in ages I feel truly like an 8 year old – hiding in a corner again, crying tears of hatred and pretending that I don’t actually understand how this wheel of shit turns. 

image

I have lived with broken, moulded, hard-working, honest fools. Yet I am doomed to be one of them because my stupid heart feels… it feels shame and pain and love and every other bullshit emotion that keeps us from
truly evolving. I feel like Vader before Vader if any of u know what I mean… I’m pissed off and I wish that I had it in me to be selfish enough to excel… to stand on top and laugh… laugh so hard that my heart ceases to beat. Is my idiocy worse, that I cannot allow my anger to overtake the bigger part of who I am? I love – I love a heart which wishes for me to be a just fool… a fool without fault… because I’ve been told;  I am a fool with potential… I am a fool who could slave the right way and earn the approval of monkeys that I barely care about anyway.
‘Monkeys killing monkeys killing monkeys over pieces of the ground. Silly monkeys, give them thumbs they’ll forge a blade a and beat a brother down; right in two.’