It’s 03:00.
I went to bed way too early and now my anxiety has decided to keep me company even though, I did not send out an invitation for it.
There is a thought, however… it calms my heart beat, even though it hurts a little.
“One day, when I have children.”
At first I smile. For the little faces I am yet to meet and have the privilege of sharing a life with… but thinking of sharing a life always brings me back to that human I was so sure I was going to spend the rest of mine with.
I can’t imagine this kind of life with anyone else.
One day when she waits for me at the altar…
One day when her hand erases all memory of previous touch.
I can’t keep stretching myself to a day I am not even sure I deserve…
But one day…
Maybe…
When I have children –
I will be the kind of parent I didn’t get to have.
Born For Copper 
It is a powerful, life changing thing to parent someone else and to see what it is possible to do. For me, it was about letting him be his own person from the beginning, and just supporting him. I learned so much – about life, about my own history and who I might be. I learned what kind of parenting my inner child needed, and I’ve been able to do some work around that.
I really hope that I can get it right in the end…
From what I see of you, you think about everything and you care – and these are key things. No one gets everything right, but i would be confident that you will do well, and that you would make a really good parent.